• Tony Dymock

Experience > Options > Confidence

First, you get the Experience.

Then, you get the Options.

Then, you get the Confidence.

Read that again.

We all start at something with absolutely no experience. Be it cooking, playing the guitar, learning to write Java, or even talking to people of the opposite sex. No one popped out of their mother's vagina/belly being naturally good at anything. Without experience, you're not even a beginner; you're a nobody.

But over time, you muster the courage to give things a go. And you'll fail again and again, sometimes spectacularly so. But you do what you were born to do, which is get the hell back up and try again. And every time you get a little better and stronger. I mean, how many attempts will you give a kid to walk? Would you let them fall over three times and say "That's it, my kid is just not a walker, guess he'll crawl forever"? Hell no. You make that kid stumble to her feet and march down the road until she learns. And once she knows, barring some catastrophic brain injury, she'll never forget how to walk.

Experience teaches harsh, but it teaches best.

Now imagine you're a newbie in the kitchen. You've outgrown the safety net of mummy and daddy's nursery, and you decide to embark on a culinary journey to deliciousness. You've spent some time learning necessary kitchen skills, and you've prepared your first dish to perfection. Go, you sexy thing.

Now you move on to different recipes, and you start to acquire an arsenal of meals to cook for any given occasion. Congratulations! You've just given yourself "Options"! Think back to the time when you knew nothing and had no confidence. With these "Options" at hand, would you still lack faith in yourself? No. You wouldn't.

Options come from Experience.

Right now it's fair to ask where I'm going with this. Well, my random internet stranger, I'm relating this to dating.

Are you one of those people who has a few dates, sleeps with a person once or twice, and says "oh hey, I guess I'm in a relationship now"? If so, my blog isn't really for you.

From experience, these insecure attachment types tend to suffer from low self-esteem and a dangerous sense of possession. Now if you're also suffering from low self-esteem and deluded enough to think you own someone, you probably enjoy that attention. But what happens when that person disrespects you? Or behaves in a manner that violates your boundaries? If you only have one Option, you tend to cling to it as if your life depends on it, even if it's entirely wrong for you. That's called a scarcity mindset.

But what if - and hear me out before we start lynching me - what if we dated non-exclusively for a while? For some of you, getting ONE person interested in you is hard enough, but keep working on yourself and you'll get there. What if instead of locking ourselves into the one thing that came our way, we take the time to have multiple Options, and evaluate them all to find one potential long-term partner? That's called an abundance mindset.

A magical thing happens in this situation. You no longer tolerate peoples shit. One of your Options becomes flakey and unreliable? Cool, NEXT! Another of your Options says they're ready to settle when you're not? Apologies sweety, but I'm not looking for that. NEXT!

First, you get the Experience.

Then, you get the Options.

Then, you get the Confidence.

You have the proven Experience to know you can always meet more interesting people who are also interested in you. And because you're experienced, you've accumulated some Options in your lunchbox. With these Options, your Confidence skyrockets. And Confidence, team, is alluring and sexy. Try finding someone who says Confidence is a turn-off ...