• Tony Dymock

Furniture upgrades - Koala Bed Base

As the fog of war rises on the departure of miscellaneous crap that had accumulated over the last 30 years, the tidings of battle now turn to furniture inherited with gratitude from a family member who left the country. Let the replacement begin!

I'm an avid reader of Choice, a non-profit that aims to provide consumers with the best input on which goods are the best bang for buck. They also do a heap of good like ensuring dangerous and illegal toys are kept out of the country, but for my purposes, that's irrelevant.

To assuage my achy breaky heart, I focused on the mattress reviews Choice had undertaken - particularly on the "mattress-in-a-box" revolution that's sweeping the world. Skipping ahead a bit, I settled on the Sleeping Duck mattress which sits in the Goldilocks zone of firmness and is totally customisable. However, there's a 5-week wait on it, and my bed frame had slats that were spaced too far apart.

Enter the Koala bed base - https://au.koala.com/products/koala-timber-bed-base

I was sold on the eco-friendly idea behind it, and best of all, absolutely no screws or nails. That means when you're .... ummm ... vigorously using the bed, there won't be any squeaks or creaks. #winning!

Ordering through the website was super simple, and since I'm burning sick leave with the heart dilemma, it was delivered that afternoon. The courier pulled up out the front and helped me get the four large boxes to my apartment entry, but getting it into your place is on you. Even with a stuffed heart, I could still manage, but you less fit people may want a friend.

The advertising was not wrong. Once you unpack it all it comes together like a Lego set, marketed as less than 4 minutes. With atrial fibrillation and a cat that insists on climbing in everything, I was still able to finish it within that timeframe. Not shabby!

For the price and the ease of construction/deconstruction, I highly recommend it. Take note that the treated wood has a slight pink tinge to it, not the yellow the pictures have you believe it is.

Two problems have arisen with this bed frame, however ...

Problem 1 - PACKAGING!

Seriously, what the hell am I supposed to do with four large cardboard boxes and enough styrofoam to plug the BP Gulf of Mexico oil spill? There are no oil spills near my apartment that I know of, so the poor common bins are going to be full for two weeks ...


So when you partake in aforementioned vigorous activity, the mattress kind of slides around on the flat base. Kind of fun, but annoying at the same time. Does make sense given it's smooth and treated pine (title of my sex tape). Spoke to Koala about it who are shipping some non-slip mats to place between the mattress and frame. Will report back on success.



Masterfully crafted in;

Prahran, Victoria, Australia

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Take whatever you like.